2002-02-22 - 5:47 p.m.
Alternate Meanings
The Washington Post published a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of the winning entries: - Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. - Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. - Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. - Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. - Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent. - Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie. - Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. - Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash. - Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. - Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. - Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. - Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. - Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. - Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts. - Frisbeetarianism (n.), the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there. - And let's add ... Pokemon (n.), a Jamaican proctologist.
before - after
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